The Head and the Hind End

I had this migraine/headache for 6 weeks. I was popping pills, stabbing myself in the fat of my leg with pain relief injectables, and lying in a dark room. Then, I bought this thing called a Zeno, Hot Spot Blemish Clearing Device. The metal tip heats up and the idea is to stick it on a blemish. I stuck it on the busted occipital nerve on the back of my head. Repeatedly. Often. Burned the crap outta it. And it kind of worked. Better than the rest of the medically supervised stuff. I also went to see my neurologist who reminded me last year at this time I had a 6 week migraine too. I remember now. I wasn’t as smart then. I was stabbing the malfunctioning occipital nerve with the tip of my desk scissors, and that afforded only temporary relief and made that nerve really angry thereafter. So, on the visit this year with my neurologist, he referred me to a neurosurgeon for some more permanent relief, like permanent head deadening.

In the meantime, the little dog’s butt when astray with this red bulbous thing popping up on it. The indignity of it all. Plus, both Hubby and I kept lifting her tail, staring at her rear end.

Me: What is that?
Hubby: I don’t know. A cyst?
Me: Think it’s a tick?
Hubby: On her butt hole?
Me: Yeah. Ticks are disgusting. I wouldn’t put it past one of ’em.
Hubby: I think it’s a blood blister.
Me: Huh? (and that was a huh? like you have lost your mind)

So, that’s how it got called into the vets because Hubby did the calling. “Our dog has a blood blister on its anus.” They saw us immediately. We didn’t let them put her under for treatment because at 18 the Little Dog might think that light at the end of the tunnel is the kitchen light, where all the chicken is. The vet had to work with her in the exam room, and there really was no working with her. She has an absessed/blocked anal gland, and we were sent home with antibiotics, and some pain killers, which I thought seriously about chugging myself.

And of course, yesterday, my appointment came up for the neurosurgeon. Thankfully, Hubby had taken the day off to cart me to the appointment, but since Her Highness (the little dog) was down with a busted hind end, Hubby stayed with her. Though the treatment plan had been a request for permanent head deadening, the neurosurgeon said there could be some serious repercussions from that surgical procedure, like permanent paralysis of body parts other than my head. So, he did the temp fix like last year with a booster of cortisone. He shot the stuff directly into the nerve on the back of my head, like, “Take that you bastard. Stand down.” And stand down it did, so much so I got high off the shot, if that’s possible. Both the head and the hind end are better this morning. Not cured, but better. And I’ll settle for better.



Filed under animal, little dog, medical

6 responses to “The Head and the Hind End

  1. They should include this in a movie. Funny and not. Painful then not. Good on both of you.

    • Nada

      It is kind of funny…and yet not. And then it is. Hopefully thing will really get better soon, but I seem to say that every year.

  2. Pepper Moon

    Oh, my Dog! When I first started reading it, I thought spam had invaded your blog. You know…shrink belly fat…dermatologists hate her…etc. But as soon as I saw “little dog” I knew it was really you. I’m sorry, it’s sad and bad and I feel for you, but it’s also damned funny. You have a special gift for making the unbearable unbearably funny. I hate laughing at your expense, but you make me!

    I don’t know how you function with a migraine, much less write. I sincerely hope both you and Little Dog are feeling better.

    • Nada

      I’m better today, but little dog vomited and then had diarrhea. We changed up her meds quickly and she was pretty mad about not getting her usual dinner tonight. I ran to the grocery and got her some chicken broth though. She was happy about that.

  3. AZ

    Poor Little Dog, I’ve had my share of abscessed teeth and they are a pain in the ass. So having an abscess on your ass must be… must be… well, I guess that would be a literal pain in your ass.

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