Lucy Goosey Hinky Hanky

Lucy, actually a duck rather than a goose (but that doesn’t rhyme), was standing just outside a snack shack door in Richmond Marina’s district yesterday. I was exiting said snack shack without my box of Pringles because the shack doesn’t believe in selling faux chips. The shack believes in charging 50¢ for any credit card charges under $20. Lucy sidled up to me while I was stuffing my money back in my wallet. She eyeballed the money. Our conversation was short.

Lucy: You. You there.
Me: Yeah.
Lucy: Buy me some cigarettes.
Me: NO.
Lucy: Do it.
Me: God, no.
Lucy: Don’t take the name of the Lord in vain.
Me: What?
Lucy: You heard me.
Me: Stop it. You’re a duck.
Lucy: More name calling.
Me: Not really.
Lucy: Willard! (And with that a male mallard waddled out of the bushes and stopped just short of my sneakers.
Willard: Do what she says.
Me: NO. I’m not buying cigarettes for ducks. I’m not buying cigarettes at all. Period. For anyone.

And I ran to the car. I stared at them through the windshield. Willard waddled back into a nearby bush, and Lucy stationed herself again at the door of the snack shack waiting for her next victim to con. In a few minutes, my friend joined me in the car.

Friend: See those ducks by the door?
Me: Yeah. They hit me up for cigarettes.
Friend: They wanted a bottle of that cheap Merlot from me. The kind in tiny bottles like cough medicine.
Me: Drink and fly. Birds these days.
Friend: Underaged I suppose too

We tried to forget about the scene, but the facts are a couple of thrill seeking ducks tried to toss us. And the scene of the crime is right across from the police station. We should have called the cops, but the ducks have staked this place out, and what would they do to us next time we needed chips, faux or otherwise.

Lucy: Take that, and that. How’d your toe like being on the receiving end that, my friend?



Filed under animal

9 responses to “Lucy Goosey Hinky Hanky

  1. What can I say? Even the ducks in Richmond are apparently juvie. I hate to tell you what we saw some ducks doing the first time we stopped by to check out my new condo complex.

  2. AZ

    My last encounter with ducks was at the Phoenix Zoo, they were panhandling for a popcorn. I gave it to them, like once you’re a popcornaholic no amount of rehab talk is going to matter, might as well just give them the popcorn and hope they don’t OD. As I recall it was a Mallard and his wife, what a couple of moochers.

    • Nada

      LOL!!! Why is is always a mallard and his wife mooching? It’s like they’re a team. If one of ’em doesn’t get you, the other one will.

      There is no finer zoo than the Arizona one. I loved it. The Capaburas was always my favorite.

      • Pepper Moon

        Because ducks mate for life.

      • Nada

        Did not know that. That’s must be why you see the mooching pairs everywhere. Seems like the females are more aggressive with the mooching, and the males go along.

  3. Pepper Moon

    You are sooooooo funny!

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