Every few years, the Big Guy goes to Sears and replaces all of his underwear, T shirts, and socks. And honestly, by the time he gets around to the replacement, there’s bullet holes in his T shirts, socks with more air than sock, and I won’t go there describing the underwear. To boot, the Big Guy always says, “I need to make an underwear run, but it’s not an emergency.”
When his underwear gets in this latter stage of deterioration he starts begging me, “Please don’t rip the holes any bigger.” So, if I catch him sauntering around the house in his hole riddled T shirts, I grab the back and hold on while he walks away. It rips. Yes, he does get mad. I tell him it is one of the many compromises we make in a marriage.
Anyway, though it is never an emergency, I usually suggest we go to Sears and “look around.” That is the only way I can get him in the store. If I say, “MY GOD!! WE NEED TO GET YOU SOME UNDERWEAR!!” he will refuse to go.
And so a couple of weeks ago, the day came when I said, “Let’s go to Sears and look around.” He saw the new stuff he wanted, and we bought the same undershirts and underwear he always buys and in the same size.
The other part of this underwear procedure is we take all the new goods home, wash them, and then, toss all the other ragged holey old things into the garbage. We did that, and the next morning, the Big Guy put on his new underwear. Unfortunately, his new panties looked like a postage stamp on an elephant’s hind end. The Big Guy said, “These are awfully tight. And look at these T shirts.” I looked at the one he was wearing. It looked like a moo moo.
Today, the Big Guy took everything back to Sears, except the socks. Though he doesn’t like the socks, he didn’t want to return 100% of his purchases. I don’t understand that any more than declaring a clothing emergency, a non-emergency. (When would it ever be an emergency? His underwear was on fire? As he was wearing it?) He had to go commando to Sears because he had to return ALL of the underwear. Then, once he got there, the cashier says he did not pay for a package of underwear and we are missing a T shirt. The Big Guy tells him we were always missing a T shirt. He then keeps 3 of the elephant-hind-end-postage-stamp underwear because Sears claims we never paid for that package, so we can’t return it. He exchanges what he can and buys one more pack of underwear. He puts a new pair on in their restroom, and heads out to do more errands. I want to send out an APB to the stores he is going to.