Every few years, the Big Guy goes to Sears and replaces all of his underwear, T shirts, and socks. And honestly, by the time he gets around to the replacement, there’s bullet holes in his T shirts, socks with more air than sock, and I won’t go there describing the underwear. To boot, the Big Guy always says, “I need to make an underwear run, but it’s not an emergency.”

When his underwear gets in this latter stage of deterioration he starts begging me, “Please don’t rip the holes any bigger.” So, if I catch him sauntering around the house in his hole riddled T shirts, I grab the back and hold on while he walks away. It rips. Yes, he does get mad. I tell him it is one of the many compromises we make in a marriage.

Anyway, though it is never an emergency, I usually suggest we go to Sears and “look around.” That is the only way I can get him in the store. If I say, “MY GOD!! WE NEED TO GET YOU SOME UNDERWEAR!!” he will refuse to go.

And so a couple of weeks ago, the day came when I said, “Let’s go to Sears and look around.” He saw the new stuff he wanted, and we bought the same undershirts and underwear he always buys and in the same size.

The other part of this underwear procedure is we take all the new goods home, wash them, and then, toss all the other ragged holey old things into the garbage. We did that, and the next morning, the Big Guy put on his new underwear. Unfortunately, his new panties looked like a postage stamp on an elephant’s hind end. The Big Guy said, “These are awfully tight. And look at these T shirts.” I looked at the one he was wearing. It looked like a moo moo.

Today, the Big Guy took everything back to Sears, except the socks. Though he doesn’t like the socks, he didn’t want to return 100% of his purchases. I don’t understand that any more than declaring a clothing emergency, a non-emergency. (When would it ever be an emergency? His underwear was on fire? As he was wearing it?) He had to go commando to Sears because he had to return ALL of the underwear. Then, once he got there, the cashier says he did not pay for a package of underwear and we are missing a T shirt. The Big Guy tells him we were always missing a T shirt. He then keeps 3 of the elephant-hind-end-postage-stamp underwear because Sears claims we never paid for that package, so we can’t return it. He exchanges what he can and buys one more pack of underwear. He puts a new pair on in their restroom, and heads out to do more errands. I want to send out an APB to the stores he is going to.



Filed under general weirdness

8 responses to “Underweargate

  1. Here’s the thing with clothes: Because everything is made overseas now, clothing lines are always switching manufacturers to get the best price. Which means that say a Hanes men’s undershirt size small last year could be a totally different undershirt this year — and not the same size at all — because it comes from a different factory in Asia or Turkey or some place. I learned this lesson the hard way years ago when I liked a particular top at the Limited. When I came back the next month to buy more colors, the sweaters had been so popular the Limited had decided to have them made at a cheaper factory so they could make more for less — from a completely different, cheaper fabric. This was a regular practice for them and underwear is probably even more subject to size fluctuations because they figure no one will notice.

    • Nada

      Dang. Just when you think you have the underwear sizes figured out…nope. Probably have to try the stuff on, but then, I doubt the Big Guy will. I imagine he’ll just make Sears take them back.

  2. AZ

    Significant other buys “extra” and stores them because he likes his “undies” in good condition, no holes, and elastic that hugs; once his T-shirt starts to sag a bit it goes straight into his shoe shine rag pile. He’s been that way since he was old enough to buy his own underwear. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in a T-shirt with holes. He’s even worse about socks, once the elastic shows signs of fatigue they are in the rag bin. I on the other hand, I will wear my 100 % cotton granny panties until they are almost see through and the elastic is holding on by a thread.

  3. From a man’s point of view, No Comment.

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