My latest foray into the online shopping world was a search for a vintage napkin holder. I wanted one of those old acrylic kinds with daisies embedded in the acrylic. I found exactly what I wanted on Etsy. The vendor was in Rhode Island. I paid for my funky napkin holder, and the vendor shipped it from Rhode Island wrapped in tissue paper – two sheets. No. It did not survive, and when I wrote her a note saying it was not packed properly, she sniped back that she had shipped a lot of things to the west coast wrapped exactly like my little napkin holder. She must have been mailing rubber balls previously.
And the next use of tissue paper is so ridiculous I don’t even know where to start, so I will start with this – I am on the outs with my general practitioner. When I called him for help with my latest medical crisis, he said “Don’t call me. Use your neurologist’s back up (my neurologist had food poisoning from ingesting an old Trader Joe’s sandwich) or go to the ER.” Don’t call me. Indeed and that is why I tossed his poo test in the garbage yesterday. Well, okay, I also tossed it in the garbage because you are supposed to poo on tissue paper, then take a wooden popsicle stick and smear poo from the tissue paper to the card, and mail that to a lab. If tissue paper can’t prevent a 1970’s acrylic napkin holder from breaking, it certainly cannot hold up under a load of crap. Tissue paper is tissue paper. It is the cobweb of the wrapping industry. It is not duct tape. It is useless.