This has got to stop

I sleep eat. I sleepwalk, go into the kitchen and eat. It’s not the usual sort of eating anyone would do during the day either. I mix up weird stuff like cottage cheese and couscous or drink a half a gallon of orange juice. I have done this since I was a child, and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the sleep eat, like I did with the cottage cheese and couscous snack. I woke myself up by saying “Hey! This is crazy delicious.”

I don’t know why I do it. Sometimes I’m hungry. Most times not. Psychologists have now decided sleep eating is a mental and eating disorder. Really? Everything is a disorder these days. I’m a disorder.

But here’s the worst 2 case of recent history.
1) 2 days in a row I woke up with chewed food in my mouth. Usually I eat it, which means I chew whatever it is I’m eating in the sleepwalk and SWALLOW it. This stuff was chewed and unswallowed and still in my mouth. GROSS. It took me a couple of days to figure the guilty food was almonds. Chewed up almonds in my mouth all night. Woke up with a mouthful of chewed almonds like a chipmunk. And no, I did not spit them out. I swallowed them when I woke up, which is possibly even more gross.
2) The second incident was with “almonds” again. Apparently I woke the new dog up to sleep eat with me. He usually stays in bed when I’m “doin’ ma disorder thang” in the middle of the night in the kitchen. He doesn’t jump off the bed which means I had to wake him up and bring him into the kitchen with me to sleep eat. I woke up because I had the nastiest tasting almonds in my mouth that I had ever eaten. In my hand were dog treats. DOG TREATS. I don’t think I was eating almonds at all. I think the dog and I were standing in the kitchen eating the dog’s treats.

That’s when I decided THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. I just ate the dog treats AND I got him out of bed to eat them with me.

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10 Comments

Filed under animal, food, general weirdness

10 responses to “This has got to stop

  1. Sharon Vella

    Bwah ha ha ha ha! I am crying with laughter right now! Two quick stories… my sister and I had a babysitter when we were very young – 3 to 4 years of age, who would leave us out in the backyard for hours at a time and wouldn’t feed us. Well my lovely, dutiful older sister – she’s only 14 months older- took really good care of me and made sure I didn’t go hungry. She would search and search the back yard and find milk bones that were left by their dog and we would eat them. She always fed me first of course. I remember them being very yummy! Second quick story, Frank had grabbed a small handful of treats for Joker while he was at his desk working away on his computer. Well, Joker hadn’t come in for his treats yet and Frank, not thinking or thinking they were almonds or something, grabbed one and popped it in his mouth and ate it. Evidently it wasn’t that bad, because he came out and said to me “I think I just ate a couple of Joker’s treats!”. My response of course “were they good”, “they must have been” he replied.

    So don’t feel so bad…. some of us sleep eat and others blindly pop things in their mouths while they are mesmorized in front of the computer. Not so different really. 🙂

    My suggestion….. just make sure the treats you buy are organic and healthy.

    Frank and I have our little earthquake kit in the garage. One of the things I made sure I put in was a bag of good quality dry food for Joker. Frank looked at me as if I was crazy. I said “Joker has to eat too and let me tell you, if we ran out of food, I’m sure Joker would be happy to share and trust me…. you would be happy to have it”.

  2. Nada

    OMG!!! I laughed so hard at the treat eating stories. Those are hilarious. Though admittedly you babysitter needed to be horse whipped. Still, sharing the milk bones – a very kind and gracious sister. I loved this “I think I just ate a couple of Joker’s treats.” I laughed so hard at these I cried. TOO TOO FUNNY. Thanks for sharing.

  3. It makes sense to me that a person wouldn’t feed a pet something that they would be afraid to put in their own mouth, Not that they would, but they must assume it’s not unhealthy. Does that make sense?

    • Nada

      It’s makes sense. I don’t think the treats hurt me in any way but boy, were they nasty tasting. Not to mention, both Maui and I are overweight – him more than me. I sleep ate dog treats and fed them to the dog – who I woke up to feed. IT HAS GOT TO STOP. Seriously.

  4. Human-grade dog treats are all the rage lately — and a good thing too, right? Still — if you’ve got Maui sleep eating too that’s going to spell disaster for both of your waistlines eventually…Maybe you two could join some kind of Sleepeaters and Their Dogs Anonymous Group? Or start one?

  5. AZ

    I’ve eaten Milk Bone Dog Biscuits, not a dinner plate full of them, but I used to pay tug of war with my Little Dog with a dog biscuit and sometimes it would crumble in my mouth so I just chewed it up and swallowed. Actually, dog biscuit doesn’t taste bad it just needs a little salt and garlic. My late uncle had a horrible time at work with people stealing his lunch so he decided he would make Skippy Dog Food patty sandwiches. He sliced the dog food dipped it in egg wash, rolled them in breadcrumbs, fried them up golden brown, put them on bread with lettuce, sliced tomato, and mayo. Sure enough someone stole his lunch again, but only once – problem solved! Same uncle came home from work one day and saw a cellophane bag on the kitchen table with little snacks inside, so he grabbed a handful and popped it in his mouth, told my aunt not to buy the snacks again because they tasted like crap. Aunt told him it was kibble for the dog. He was not pleased.

    • Nada

      I just love that image of you and your little dog playing tug of war with the milkbone. So cute. Did I ever see a picture of your little dog. This is the one that sat on a pillow on the counter?

      You uncle sounds like he was a real hoot. I laughed hard at him telling your aunt not to buy those snacks any more because they taste like crap. Kibble!!! LOL!!!

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