This is the phone call I got this morning, verbatim.

caller: hello
me: hello
caller: hello?
me: hello
caller: hello?
me: HELLO (yelling now)
caller: Is your father home?
me: No, he’s not home right now. He’s dead.

Long, long pause here where I hear the caller breathing into the phone. Then, she hung up, and didn’t call back.

Plus, I do not sound like a kid, a teenager or a young adult. I sound like what I am – over 50 and angry. Daddy’s dead. He’s not in the kitchen, eating a cheese sandwich, hand signaling me that he doesn’t want to talk to the telemarketer on the phone.

Thanks for not calling back. Or maybe not thanks. I was going to impersonate a chicken if you had called back. Cluck.



Filed under general weirdness

6 responses to “Hello?

  1. AZ

    A call I received 25 years ago:

    Olan Mills: Good morning madam, were’re calling to see if you’d be interested in sitting for a portrait, we’re running a special…
    Me: No thanks.
    Olan Mills: We aren’t charging for the sitting, only for the photos you order. You can get an 8×10 or three 5x7s…
    Me: No thank you.
    Olan Mills: We’re running this special…
    Me: I’m really not interested, I’m really ugly and I don’t want my picture taken.
    Olan Mills: Well, you can have your husband…
    Me: My husband is ugly too.
    Olan Mills: Oh I’m sure you and your husband look fine, but if you’d rather we can do a portrait of your children.
    Me: I’m ugly, my husband’s ugly, and the kids are nothing to brag about.
    Olan Mills: [Laughing] Well, thank you, have a good day.

  2. Your post is funny and AZ’s comment is also, I don’t believe you could do a chicken and I don’t believe AZ is ugly. When I get bogus calls, I ask, do you speak English. Being in Germany that usually ends it.

  3. Donna

    Luckily I have Caller Display on both of my phones and If I get a call from a number I don’t know, the conversation invariably goes like this:

    Me: Hello. FiFi LaMarr’s Whips. Chains and Ribbons Emporium; How may I help you?

    Caller: May I speak to Miss Jones please?

    Me: I’ll just check the Diary for you. (Caller then hears the notepad I have by the phone being rifled through).

    Me: Oh I’m sorry, Miss Jones appears to be tied up right now. Would you like to book an appointment?

    9 times out if 10 the conversation ends there… Otherwise I just carry on winding them up.

    Sometimes I have too much time on my hands.

    :0) x

    • Nada

      OMG!!!!! I laughed so hard at this. “Would you like to book an appointment?” LOL!!!!!!

      I don’t see how you carry on. I would be snort laughing into the phone.

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