Category Archives: epilepsy

WTF 2?

Umm, I never used tags so I don’t know what I was talking about in the post below.

Tomorrow I am going to Goodwill to buy a used brain. Are they open on Sundays? Or are they off talking about hell and Baby Jesus somewhere. I hope Goodwill is open. I also hope the used brain doesn’t smell funky like the stuff at Goodwill does sometimes. Sometimes you have to bring it home and push the “Scald” button on your washing machine and wash the Goodwill item before you can wear it.

Some stuff smells like old person – which as you know may never go away unless you use 1200 dryer sheets.

So, my vision is better. The botox the neurologist tried for the migraines should have worn off about a month ago. It has not. I can only raise my eyebrows a little bit but the eye muscle is better where the botox seeped into it. I can see mostly. And read again. Most of the time.

Going to bed now. Either the dog is dead or in a deep sleep. His hair is still missing from his rump where he backed into a cactus and got 3 needles stuck in his butt. He went to work on them before we figured out his issue and had a little bit ‘o surgery on his buttocks. He is missing a patch of hair now. He’s so embarrassed too. I’ve never met such a proud dog either or one with such a long nose or one that is so stubborn or one that demands so many treats or one who paws are so wall eyed. He doesn’t want to love me but he can’t help it. I am the only one who will scratch his back until his tongue goes in and out of his mouth like he’s having a seizure.

And I can say that. I’m an epileptic. I can also make fun of cancer and brain tumors. You cannot if you haven’t had them. Okay, you can but everyone will think you are a callous asshole whereas people think I am being “brave.” People are nuts. I make fun of everything.



Filed under dachshund, epilepsy, geezer, general weirdness, Maui, migraine

Give Me My Goddamn Viagra or Health Net You Suck

Today, Health Net’s Grievance and Appeals Coordinator, Jonathan F.(NO, HealthNet did not give me his last name, even though he knows mine) sent me a 249 page refusal to my appeal for insurance coverage for a prescription for Viagra, as prescribed by my neurologist.

“Huh? Wait. Isn’t that for men?” you ask. (Background music playing here with a small voice saying, “Hold please for the next available explanation. Operators are standing by).

Of the 249 pages, Jonathan F. copied 234 pages from a medical reference system called Micromedix 2.0 – Drug Details. 234 pages of drug details of Viagra Jonathan F stuffed that in a big fat envelope for me to read, along with a 3 page letter and some forms.

Jonathan F., why mail me 234 pages of copied medical mumbo jumbo that I’m absolutely sure makes no sense to you either. Are you mean? Stupid? Or just a fucked up piece of shit?

So let’s back up. What has happened to cause all this? A Health Net neurosurgeon attempted to remove my brain tumor. Even though he said that resection would be a “walk in the park,” the Health Net neurosurgeon must have been mugged in said park. I ended up with epilepsy and skull screws that wiggled out of my skull because that dumb ass didn’t have the sense God gave a carpenter to countersink screws.

I have tried and failed on 14 anti-seizure drugs. I have tried some of the drugs more than once with the last one causing heart failure and ALL of them having side effects that were more severe than the epilepsy. So, now I am on my last drug – ONFi, and it is actually working. Actually doing some good. Actually stopping some seizures with one really bad side effect. YUP. Sexual dysfunction. And trust me, I have NEVER had this problem.

I finally get up the balls (no pun intended) to speak to my neurologist about the issue. He says, “No problem. A lot of women have good luck with Viagra.” What the…? My face was as red as the carpet in my den, but still, I’m happy because here’s what I’ve given up for epilepsy:
1) Driving
2) Drinking
3) Caffeine
4) Swimming by myself
5) Standing on ladders
And I sure as hell don’t want to give up sex, which is way more important (and fun) than standing on ladders.

After my neurologist fills out the prescription, I run to my pharmacy all excited and yet a little apprehensive because where I live now everyone knows everyone. Everyone is a neighbor, and they all talk. It’s a small town with a small town atmosphere, and I have a vision of my Viagra prescription being the talk of the town. Thankfully, one of my favorite neighbors is the pharmacy tech that day, so we kind of chuckle about the Viagra, but then, the bad news – the prescription has not been filled. Check back tomorrow.

I go back the next day. One of my not so favorite neighbors is working the pharmacy. She says with her mouth hanging open, ‘Viagra. You know that’s for men.” I couldn’t explain. I just couldn’t. I asked her to check again and she says the insurance (Health Net) is denying it. I have to appeal.

In the meantime, Health Net mails me a denial with this reason:
“Coverage of Viagra requires that the patient is male with erectile dysfunction. The patient is female.”

Did I mention Health Net sucks?

I appeal with a 2 page letter and my poor neurologist appeals with 56 pages of records and notes.

Jonathan F. sends me a copy of my neurologist’s 56 page appeal. Jonathan F attaches a note saying if you want to say something you better do it now. This time I fax my appeal after looking at Health Net’s website home page which says:

In the meantime, I decide I’m going to do what everyone else does. I’m ordering Viagra off the internet from a Canadian pharmacy that doesn’t require a prescription. I do it. And while the appeal with Health Net is in process, the “Viagra” from the Canadian pharmacy which doesn’t require a prescroption comes, only the drug is not called Viagra. It is called Fligra. That’s right – Fligra, and it’s made in India, but it’s supposed to have to same active ingredient as Viagra, which is Sildenafil Citrate. I follow my neurologist’s directions and end up doubling up the dosage. Nothing. Until 24 hours later – then bam. Yes, Fligra from India works only it’s weak and takes about 20 hours longer than it should.

And so now, you are caught up with my sex life which everyone on the internet is dying to know about.

Did I mention Health Net sucks and Jonathan F. (no last name) but HealthNet’s Appeals and Grievances Case Coordinator is a photocoping monkey?

When the final paper work came today, there amongst the 249 pages is a note from Jonathan F which reads, “Based on our review of the available information, Health Net’s Medical Director Lesley Blumberg, M.D., a Board Certified Specialist in Obstetrics and Gynecology, has made a determination to uphold the denial for the following reason: ‘This is a request for Viagra in a female commercial HMO member with Brown and Toland. The member’s plan covers Viagra for male sexual dysfunction up to the number of pills in the recommended drug list. The issue here is that the treatment of anorgasmia in women is an off-label use with a IIB indication in Drugdex.'”

Ummm, that’s why the appeal? And there’s no IIB in the 234 pages of the copy of Micromedex I was sent. Also, I’m unable to find Dr. Blumberg on the Health Net’s website at all.

Did I mention Health Net sucks?


Filed under brain, brain tumor, crap, epilepsy, Health Net, HealthNet, medical

Hairy Chickens

The rain finally stopped today. I pulled weeds in the cactus bed out front today while the ground was still soggy. It’s easier to uproot errant plants after a good rain.

I got beat with a broom handle in writing class last week. Figuratively. I’m not even trying to fix the story. There were so many critiques and so much chaos, I’m considering the story a total loss. Pfft. That’s me spitting on the bad story. Plus, people commented on the amount of smoking in it, as in they didn’t like it. To that I say, I don’t care whether you like it or not, the character smokes – a lot, as in all the time. One person said, “it got on my nerves.” The teacher agreed. Really? Next time I will have everyone smoking, and then smoking the butts they all throw down. Then, the dogs will light up random bits of dog biscuits and try to smoke that.

Moving on. I’m working on another story, but per the usual – someone dies. He’s actually killed. By his child. Someone always dies in my stories…or is killed. Or a dog dies. Its my trademark. I also like to mention the morgue.

AND…on top of everything else, my neurologist, the one I liked or used to like has altered my meds, doubling them, in fact. I think he is determined to stop a few things, like my scintillating scotoma and my seizures. To him I say, “Good luck with that. Better men than you have fought with my brain, and have lost.”

Finally, this picture has nothing to do with anything written here. I have included it because I think you need graphics with blog posts. Always. Whether they are relative or not to the story. In this case, they are not.


Filed under epilepsy, general weirdness, hair, weather, writing

Friggin’ Ants

There’s ants wandering all over my keyboard this morning. MY KEYBOARD <—panicky voice here. What do they want with my keyboard? I can't imagine. Okay. Yes. I ate some cake with my fingers yesterday and then, answered a bunch of email. Still. Stay off my keyboard. It is sacred ground, you stoopid ants.

Yesterday, iTunes notified me I had a $63 credit. I have no idea where it came from. No memory. So, I did check the side effects of the Ativan gob the ER gave me, and memory loss was listed. I have a feeling this happens every time I have to take some Ativan. I have memory loss but I can't remember because I have memory loss. Anyway. That does not stop me from spending the iTunes $63 gift from God via memory loss. I decided I really like songs about robots. I spent hours yesterday listening to songs about robots. I bought 2, and one of them was the song from the Metal Heart video below. I am the world's worst shopper – either online or at the brick and mortar.

Tomorrow I have another appointment at a different retina specialist's office. I tried calling my GP for a referral which is a requirement for my HMO, but I could not get through. The call kept going to the answering service, which is okay too since I am currently mad at my GP and calling him an asshole. Then, I called the specialist directly to beg for an appointment and the lady answering the phone said, "No need for begging. You don't need a referral. You were here in 2009. You are a current patient." What? No I don't remember that either.

Picture has nothing to do with any of the topics. It is from the inside of a car wash, and my cousin sent it to me. The car wash is on drugs. Perhaps Ativan. And tomorrow it will forget it sprayed colored soap on my cousin's car.


Filed under epilepsy, general weirdness, medical


I think about driving. I think about it every single day. I think about climbing behind the wheel of a car and turning the key. I think about cruising down Highway 1 with the windows down, and the sea breeze blowing my hair. I want to drive, and like all my friends who don’t drive, I think I’m a good driver. That very thought makes me laugh, and I wonder when and why I have became like my non-driving friends, thinking we have skills with absolutely no practice. We are a pack of idiots.

The other thing I wonder about is why doesn’t the DMV revoke my license. How many forms have my neurologists filed with that bureaucracy? I wonder too what the docs write on the revocation form? “Vistadenada has epilepsy, and turns into the Statue of Liberty at the most inopportune moments. REVOKE her license. ASAP. Do it. Do it now before she reeks havoc.” Perhaps they tack on: “It is a privilege, not a right. I am a doctor. You are not.” The DMV still won’t revoke my license. They won’t revoke it even when I tell them I’m an epileptic. They just look at me over the desk. I stare back. They give me a license that I put in my wallet. It is the great temptation. I’m not good with temptations. To stop myself from the temptation of the license in my wallet, I imagine running over a nun in a crosswalk, habit flying. I imagine splattering a baby in a stroller. I think about hitting a class of third graders on the sidewalk, waiting on a school bus. I imagine child body parts flying like birds up in the sky. “We cannot reattach his ear. You have mutilated school children.”

Then, I think about cake because that is my other greatest temptation, probably greater than driving. I think about white cake with white icing. I think about birthday cake. I think about wedding cake, when done correctly is the best. Done incorrectly, you might as well spit it into your cloth napkin, and walk out the reception hall door. “Your wedding cake was crap, Missy. Get a real baker, not your cousin.”


Filed under epilepsy, food, medical